Breaking Through

Over the last year and a half I’ve been wandering through my life with my eyes half open. I catch thoughts like “who am I?” and “what am I doing?” slipping through my mind as I’m sitting alone, contemplating how I should be spending my time and how I want to be living my life. Truthfully, I’ve been deeply disconnected from myself, and on more than one occasion I’ve allowed self-limiting beliefs snuff out whatever passion I once had for things in my life. The last 18 months I have turned inward in a way I haven’t experienced in many years and only now do I feel my spirit trying to break through to reclaim my zest for living, and experiencing life in the way I always wanted to, but didn’t know how to manifest.

My vision for myself over the coming months is to get focused. I’ve spent a lot of time casting seeds into the wind. As it turns out, closing my eyes and throwing things into the air doesn’t allow me to put trust in the process of creating my life; it is like letting my ideas float away in the breeze. I haven’t been grounded in myself, my goals, my dreams, or my life at large. It’s that lack of grounding that leaves me feeling out of control of my own being which, while fun for a while, isn’t a great place to be long term.

I’ve reached a point where I’m ready to bring my ideas into reality. From my perspective, that takes discipline. If I want to get physically strong, I have to be disciplined and work my way up in the gym. If I want to feel physically and mentally healthy I have to be disciplined with what I’m eating, and taking my supplements to empower myself to choose better and re-train myself to honouring my health and fitness. If I want to reach my goal to be published in 2019, I have to set aside time to write every day, and treat the task like I’m already successful and that it’s my job. If I want to build my platform, I have to make videos, become more active and engaged on social media, and I have to put myself into the world in a way that is new for me. If I want to sell my art, I have to create it.

On the surface everything that I want for myself and my life is simple, but none of it is achieved without putting in the work and actively engaging with my own life. Just as a gardener has to plan their garden based on sun, soil, size, and weather, I too must plan accordingly to bring my goals into fruition. Discipline is freedom. Discipline to change my life frees me from the “what if’s” and the “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” that often plague many of us as we think about where we are versus where we want to be. Discipline is power. Discipline is self worth. Discipline is love.

Time to put on the coffee and get out the notebook. I’m ready to get my hands dirty.

Written by: Sandra Barnhart