You Are My Sunshine

I was resting in the park reading a book, and I observed a woman who looked upset. I tried to focus on my book, but my attention kept drawing to her. She wasn’t trying to get my attention, she was trying to hold it together. I got up from my bench and walked over to her. I asked if she was okay, and she told me her mother just passed away. She couldn’t hold it in any longer; tears begin to flow down her cheeks. I sat down with her, held her hand, and cried with her. I never met her mother or her. I could feel her pain. I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone.

I am empathic. When you tell me your stories I can feel your emotion, I will get excited with you, I will cry with you. I am a shy person, but empathy makes me approach people I would otherwise avoid. I will walk up to a stranger, simply because of the emotion I feel.

I love empathy. I enjoy being able to help others. I will jump with excitement over the good news you have to share. If you are happy, I am truly happy for you. Feeling the energy of another person can change my mood. I love feeling happy energy; people really shine when they are happy. I will bask in your sunshine. If you want to stand there and act like you aren’t excited about a job promotion or getting a book published, I will have you dancing or jumping for joy. What is wrong with truly enjoying the moment?

At the same time, I feel negative energy. This can pull me out of the boat and into the deep ocean, the place of total darkness. I have to work very hard to shut this down. I am only just beginning this process. I am learning to use love and positive energy to refocus; I want to stay positive and in the moment. If I start to let negative energy in, I soon become exhausted. This is a reminder to take some time and reset. I take time for myself, mind, body, and soul. I read, listen to music, walk, and, of course, dance! I take this time to remind myself that I want to be love: I give love, I receive love, and I am love.

I met someone many years ago who used me for my empathic nature. This person broke me, and I fell into darkness. People disappeared, no one had anything to share, and I felt alone. The darkness consumed me. I believed all the negative things this person said: I was dumb, incompetent, weak, a failure, ugly, unimportant.

A beautiful soul reached out to me and guided me back to reality. Without their guidance I don’t even want to think about where I would be. I am now learning about who I am. I am a work in progress, I am absorbing knowledge and rediscovering who I am. My definition of myself will continuously change. Two things are true, people are my sunshine, and I will continue to be perfectly imperfect.

I see myself as silly, immature, playful, sweet, kind, funny, artistic, smart, and flawed. I get excited over board games and doll furniture. I can scream with excitement over a unique piece of handmade jewelry. I enjoy swings, carousels, and county fairs.

I have grown, changed, loved, lived, laughed, and cried. I have been broken and stitched back together. I am a unique character. My scars will always be there, but they are only a small part of who I am. I love empathic me.

Look out sunshine, I am cart wheeling your way. I will probably pull a muscle, but you are worth it!

Written by: Collette Cottingham; Guardian Angels