Scared of Success
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do something every day that scares you.”
I love the challenge of this. Fear holds us back. Evolutionarily speaking, it worked for us to keep us safe and alive in the early years of our human existence. In current times, however, at least in my own experience, fear keeps me from living my best life. And the crazy part is that it’s often fearing what hasn’t happened, as well as what may never happen!
As I contemplate the topic of the week, to do what scares me, I think of the obvious, and although I wouldn’t enjoy a giant spider or snake in my house, I don’t fear them. I do have a healthy respect for them but I also wouldn’t be frozen in terror at the sight of them. I do have that reaction to heights. I literally break out into a cold sweat at heights. Even images of people engaging in activities at heights cause my legs to weaken, my stomach to lurch and my heart to start pounding. That being said, given that my discomfort with heights currently isn’t holding me back from living, I keep it in mind but look elsewhere for the more seemingly innocuous fears holding me back.
I have been working on my health. I have been adding some physical activity to move my body and get my heart rate up. I was uber consistent for 3 weeks. Same for the clean eating. Hmmmmm… Journaling, meditating also going in fits and spurts. Why? I feel a huge shift when I do all of these things consistently. I experience better moods. I am more connected to source energy. My intuition is huge. Even the healings I do feel more powerful. So if it feels good why do I stop?
I launched my website a few weeks ago. Check it out here if you haven’t had a chance to see it. I remember the designer I’d been working with saying, “It’s ready to go, click here and it’s live.” We’d been working on it for a few weeks and when came time to hit “go live,” I stopped. I didn’t click right away. In fact, I waited for almost 24 hours. Interesting.
Fear of succeeding. Wait, what? Humour me for a second. At first blush, it’s absurd. After all, as a parent, healer, and coach I spend much of my time supporting others in confidently pursuing their passions. Coaching them past that niggling, “What if I fail” voice. But for me, the, “What if I succeed,” becomes a stopgap.
Expanding my healing practice and getting healthy means change. Change comes with leaving behind habits that no longer work for me which comes with the risk of possibly losing people if our relationships revolve around those habits. It means really considering what is important in my relationships and being okay with changing those dynamics. I can rationalize that if they are truly meant to be in my life, they will support my changes and my new direction. There is still a twinge in my heart as I worry that they won’t come along.
The other part of it is, what does this mean for my life day-to-day? From a business perspective (a corporate gig), it means I can predict my income, I can predict my working hours. An entrepreneurial venture means all that goes out the window and I have to trust in flow and allow it to unfold and schedule myself in different ways. Interestingly, I seem to again go to the disadvantages. The advantages of the entrepreneurial venture succeeding mean I can be the master of my schedule. I can be there for my kids’ school trips or even as my son pointed out this week, “Why can’t you work a job where you can be home with us in the summer”…. why can’t I? I know this is happening so from a learning curve, I am consciously incompetent. I have now the opportunity to stop that inner saboteur with conscious mindful reminders of all the good things that come with change to shift that learning to consciously competent and aiming for unconsciously competent.
So with that in mind, I am tackling finances this week. I have had a fear-based relationship with money for as long as I can remember. I work hard for it, I fear losing it. Debt—real or imagined—causes my chest to tighten. My husband and I are close with one another, and while we can talk about most things, money is a loaded topic that creates friction. There, I have said it out loud. It’s time. It’s time to look at it from a viewpoint other than the story I have built around it. I have booked an appointment with a finance coach. To help me be smart for my business and for my home and to view money in a healthier way. We meet this week. Ask me how long the email sat drafted in my inbox before I hit send on that request. No need for judgement though. The point is I did it. I am taking steps.
Change creates apprehension no doubt. For me though, staying stuck is creating more friction. So with a deep breath, I am standing facing my discomfort, feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
What fears are holding you back? Let’s do this together hand in hand. Let’s feel the discomfort and the fear and let’s do it anyway!