Physician, Heal Thyself

 In Weekly Forum Discussion

I have an artist’s temperament, and an executive mind. The only way to get these two parts of me in the same conversation is to whirl them up to break-neck speeds and then jump off something. It’s kind of like the impact of my brain catching up to my body, creates instant clarity. It’s whiplash calm, and suddenly whatever needs to be known arrives on the back of that precise euphoria. I’m not afraid of anything. I’ve tested it. It’s addictive. And frankly, as a matter of course, the scary things point me in the direction I need to go. Love it.

Given our topic this week, I thought I would challenge that fact of my personality to a duel. Am I really afraid of nothing? Is that really true? And if it is, how can I use that to my advantage? I have summer goals, and it’s already July. Tick-tock!

As I was thinking about what I would do to create some abject courage (it’s a battery in my mind, rechargeable), I had my little homeopath voice whispering to me in the background, reminding me: when the patient blurts out a brave or singular statement about themselves, consider that the opposite is really the truth. In my case, this meant, what if “I’m afraid of nothing” really meant “I’m afraid of everything?” Yes, I was running a red light at the time. And yes, just as suddenly, my practitioner-brain flipped the filter. It’s hard to describe this process, but in short, this means everything I think is true, and see if it still stands up when it’s false. If it does, it’s true. If it doesn’t, well, it’s irrelevant and skews the case. You’ll never find the simillimum, and the cure is in some other ball park. Swing, batter.

In this light, I wondered what is my biggest bugaboo these days? What is the biggest resistance to moving my community projects forward? What hurts the most? I know this immediately: criticism and rejection; loss of relationships. And then, just as immediately, I realised I’m not afraid of criticism and rejection. Both are a kind of fuel, and work a little like fear itself in my psyche – as guides. I don’t like criticism, but I know that unsolicited criticism is a great thing. It means that what I am doing moves people, makes them itchy. And, I stand behind that 100%. They should be itchy; current health care and medicine is well below what is possible (and worse, standard). Now I’m getting itchy, and that’s not the point here. We’re discussing fear this week. Focus.

Flash back to Tuesday of this week. Me. Yoga class with my fave instructor, ever. This was last week’s Artist Date challenge, a re-entry into proper Yoga classes.  I love it and I haven’t been able to make it to scheduled classes at all since I moved to Hamilton. It’s amazing! And… it’s hard. Scary hard, even! It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a proper class, and I feel like a train wreck. I’m struggling, things hurt that shouldn’t hurt, which is surprising and confusing, and the instructor comes over to adjust my head, my neck won’t go, and I’m suddenly terrified. This is not my neck. Full stop. He says: “It’s OK. Follow the rules.” You start at your feet, and relax the alignment from the foundation. The neck follows – and it does. It’s peace.

Hmmmm. Good one. Driving away that night, and thinking of this topic, the criticisms as a blockage, and then suddenly my current homeopathic treatment, I realise this is that “Physician, heal thyself moment” I’ve been waiting for. I do know my physical symptoms, my remedy picture, and the cause – compounded and prolonged grief. I get it. The emotional details are not important for this post, but in one fell swoop, without my Grandpa’s guidance – he was also a visionary – how will I know what to do? I don’t know how to solve the grief (P.S. consolation aggravates), except to let it be, and to keep moving forward. If there is a fear here, it’s that the grief will derail me as it has in the past. I’m not unique in this, and that’s where “the rules” come in. If I follow the rules of homeopathy, I can track back the delusions of my remedy picture, see that I am text book, and see that my disease is making itself true. I am creating the criticism and rejection with my grief-energy. We do this and it’s normal, but this understanding of the energetic rules of disease symptoms is what makes it possible for me to create, instead, a healthy and positive engagement with my budding projects.

Heady. In short, we have two opposing energies running in our bodies all of the time. One is healthy, and creating healthy results. One is diseased, and creating diseased results. Both are governed by choice and perception. Both are true, and the decision is ours: which one do we acknowledge? Which one do we grow forward?

Knowing this, I instantly saw that I already have it covered. I have a tight and honest support network. They want me to succeed, and I trust them completely. I have a plan. I have goals. I am self-disciplined and in those locations where I am wiggly, I have accountability buddies and mentors. I’m brilliantly well set up to succeed. I am not forsaken.

Written by: Adrienne Yeardye

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