Mind Boggling

 In The Artist Date, Weekly Forum Discussion

I have no idea what I am doing, but I love to write. There is no flow or cohesion. It is just me enjoying my story. Years ago I sent them in to several publishers. After many rejection letters I realized I had mastered the art of rejection. Now my stories are stored in a binder collecting dust.

What keeps me from knowing success? My procrastination, self doubt, fear – I keep myself from success.

I have all the tools. I have several stories written. Then I am stuck. What do I do next?

In other areas of my life I have this same problem, but the change is forced upon me. I don’t have a choice. Once I accept this, I work hard and strive for perfection. Why do I hold myself back when it comes to being published?

The fear of the unknown…how will my life change, will I have time for my family, time for myself, what if my hobby becomes work, what if I lose all the enjoyment writing brings me. What if I am attacked for my viewpoint, or worse, a viewpoint I didn’t even see. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to make them laugh.

Self-doubt stops me. I let my thoughts freeze my dreams. I tell myself I am not good enough, smart enough, someone else could write better. My writing style is too simple. I am not enough. I need to just settle this and stop writing. I did stop writing for many years, but I always go back to it. Writing helps me clear my thoughts. In writing I can create a whole unique world. I can be and do anything. I love the freedom writing brings me.

Then my self-doubt arrives and my mind goes blank and the dark thoughts take over. I am too old, not imaginative enough, driven enough. I truly have no idea what I am doing. I still have so much to learn. What if I screw it all up?

I let my own mind cripple my dreams. Why? Because I don’t feel like I am enough. If I were any good wouldn’t I be successful already? Why do I continue to waste my time?

The mind is a powerful weapon. It helps me create and be. Then on the other hand it can cripple my thoughts and body. My mind can render me powerless. We create everything and do everything based on our mind. I have the power to stop it all.

Written by: Collette Cottingham; Guardian Angels

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