Listen for Their Words

 In Circle the Child, Weekly Forum Discussion

Written by: Melanie Groves; Metamorphosis Healing


Words make a difference. We create with our words. Teaching our kids the creative power of words early is important. Take for instance words like Coulda, woulda, shoulda…. 3 of the most disempowering words. They convey  regret, guilt and shame which are completely powerless and keep you focused in the past as if stuck in a loop. When a child is in a depression, listen for their words. Are they replaying the past? Stuck in that negative loop? Simply changing the words and the language we use can create new neural pathways and new ways of seeing the world. We can start with ourselves as the adults by modelling more empowering language. We can demonstrate that the past is but a memory. You can’t touch it. You can’t change it and turn our focus to the present moment where we can actually have an impact. Huna principle #4 MANAWA teaches us that now is the moment of power. Now is when we create. I love how even the Hawaiian language embodies this as there is no past tense in their speech.

So if now is the present and is where we operate, why not use could should and would? My personal take? Those words fuel doubt and stink of lack of conviction. In my experience a child (or adult for that matter) using those words basically says  “I am appeasing you, or I don’t want to but this is easier and more acceptable for you to hear than the no I really want to say. These words keep us shackled to someone else’s expectation of you, be it family, school, community, or friends.

Isn’t it better to teach kids to use language that empowers them? Let’s teach our kids to tell the universe what they really want. Teach and model the use of the words I will, I can, I am. while it may seem nuanced, from a perspective of creating your life, these words are empowering.

Like the wise Master Jedi Yoda says “Do or do not, there is no try”. Leave no room for meh outcomes. Stand tall kiddos and declare whatever it is you need and want with clarity, intent and light saber like focus.



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