Just Keep Swimming
Bad days, bad weeks, they happen. I am not immune, though I would very much like to be! It’s no secret I’ve been going through a lot in my personal life recently. What they call the “sandwich generation” is an accurate reflection. I am a daughter supporting my mom in taking care of my sick dad. Redefining a new normal with that relationship. Coming to terms with the unspoken words as the claws of dementia dig in a little deeper. There are many dynamics that come from watching someone not be who they were, as if lost and trapped in a body that no longer responds. It’s managing the emotions and the dynamics of the coach, cheerleader and shoulder to lean on for my mom. It’s reinforcing and strengthening the need for open communication with my husband as my attentions are pulled away from our family that also is in need of love and attention. Sandwiched between being a mother to 2 beautiful boys. Needing extra attention. I’ve shared before that my son suffers from a seizure disorder. We spend a lot of time working together on reframing thoughts. On spinning the positive light. And then the youngest, who is the protector and takes on the older brother responsibility, he too is struggling and so attention needs to go there. To make sure he is supported and feels love, and is helped with tools for him to use as well to better and more healthily express his emotions. Phew. That’s a lot, not to mention working a corporate gig and taking on new Huna clients.
So what gets me through? How do I manage? It’s a recipe. I meditate in the mornings. I visualize the outcome for the day and sometimes I visualize just to get me through a rough moment. I think the biggest gift for me, and the hardest lesson to learn is the art of letting go; the art of allowing. From a very young age, we are taught to work hard, to do, to make things happen, to exert effort, to try. I grew up drinking the Kool-Aid. I bought in. I tried and pushed and got exhausted and frustrated and burnt out. So, not because I wanted to but because I simply couldn’t anymore, I had to let go. I had to trust in the universe that it had my back, trust in others around me to support. And it worked out. Looking back whenever I let go and allowed, it worked out.
It takes practice for sure but I have found time and again that simply allowing people to be where they are is all I can do. I can’t “fix” what I don’t like but I can fix my mindset. I can fix my view. And so I come back to me. I look at the feelings that come up and I ho’oponopono them, me. I keep in my heart the best and possible outcome and allow that I am not the manager of the universe and that my role is to simply play my part. Letting go of things that aren’t in my control has given me a certain freedom. Freedom from feeling responsible for it all. It’s created a lightness in me. I am often brought back to the visual of a stream encountering a rock. The water doesn’t fuss or say it’s too hard or turn around. It simply finds an alternate way either around or over the obstacle. So I go with the flow and on days where I need an extra little help I remember Dorie the bluetang in the movie Finding Nemo encouraging Marlin along chanting “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming”.