Darling, What if You Fly?
“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them” – Walt Disney
I love the wisdom of this quote. To have a desire, a dream is easy. Following through on that passion is quite another thing. It’s easy to get convinced by the little fear voice that says: think about stability, or what will you do for money, or benefits, or a myriad of “what ifs”. And interestingly, something about our human condition has the what ifs be scary – the scariest. Something to keep us safe and avoid danger, which I guess is good if you are literally at a precipice, but from a standpoint of growth and self actualization, it’s crippling and stifling and gets you the same thing you always got. Which in my case, is glaringly not what I want.
I am an energy healer. I know it in my core. I knew it from the minute it came into my awareness. This stirring inside, this difficult to put in words feeling of being home. I love working with people and watching as we work together the energy shift and seeing the impact it has on the lives of those that I am humbled and blessed to work with. I have beautiful clients. And they in turn, trust me and send me more beautiful clients. And, so the practice is growing. So, what’s so scary about that? Nothing! Except that the practice as it stands doesn’t yet support my material needs (a gal and family have to eat), and so I moonlight also in the corporate world. Walking away from the steady paycheque, when there is often erratic ebbs and flows in the stream of clients seems too scary. At least, not yet. But, I put it out there that I want to expand this practice to be equivalent to full time work because I want to be in joy everyday, loving the work that I do, and feeling energized and passionate.
Along comes this opportunity. A brilliant one, that satisfies all my wants. Another Huna practitioner that happens to live in the same town, tells me about an opportunity to share a treatment room in the office of a well-known respected and established naturopathy and wellness centre. Here, in town. And she only wants day times so this person is looking for someone to take evenings in the room. Are you serious? I want evenings because I can’t leave the day job yet. The clinic wants to put the practitioners on their website, and agrees to featuring pamphlets, and it turns out to be at the clinic that my son just so happens to have an appointment. C’mon universe, you must be messing with me, this sounds perfect (insert inflection and singing of the word, and maybe some angel harps)! Now, the scary rears its head.
All of a sudden, this little voice gets loud.
- It’s your son’s appointment, you can’t go in there for your own personal gain.
- What if the evenings and day working leaves you too tired?
- My family will be lost without me a few nights a week.
- OMG, I am still in my chubby phase, I can’t do a flyer with my picture on it!
- And and and and……I haven’t even talked to the guy yet!
- Crap! All of it, crap!
I walk into the clinic, and we are ushered into a treatment room, one kid is head down in a book, the youngest sprawls out on the floor with markers, paper and a brilliant plan to draw ninjas. Already the naturopath is walking into an unconventional scene. My stomach is in knots, is it me or is it really hot in here? I can feel my shoulders tightening and try to remember my yoga practice and bring those shoulders back down. It’s agonizing. As he is getting set up, not really started the appointment yet, I blurt out “You and I know someone in common”… not my best line. Not the perfect Hollywood performance or delivery, but it works! It opens up a conversation. He’s warm and understanding and encouraging all in a three minute conversation. And, just like that, I’m thinking, what was I so afraid of? The appointment ends, we exchange business cards and he says “reach out anytime to talk more.” Woohoo! I walk out of there on cloud nine.
One might think I sent the email immediately upon getting a WiFi connection. But, no! Round two with the voice of fear. Or, maybe I should say the voice of lies, of BS, of keeping me down. Same lines as before with some other clever creative why I shouldn’t. So again, all those horrible physical sensations come up, and I say enough. The fear of not acting is actually making me feel worse than the acting bit. I write and re-write the email until it is the right balance of nonchalance, (I don’t want to seem desperate) and sincerity. I hit send. Just yesterday. And, now I wait, and anticipate, and I am patient with the little voice, but also verbalizing my own cheer-leading section because it’s about time to shift the stories.
It comes back to the quote by Erin Hanson “What if I fall, but darling what if you fly?“.
Holy smokes, can you imagine! What if I fly? What if this is indeed the greatest most amazing thing I have ever done? That perspective on it instantly shifts the focus from the fear to the wonder and anticipation.
So, my friends, with inspired, energized and nervous butterflies in my belly, I have leapt high in the air, soaring towards the sun, with the wind on my face. No safety net, simply powered by faith, trust and a little pixie dust (thanks for that, Peter Pan).
As a result this post remains, as of yet unfinished, because the adventure is just starting. More to come in future posts, I am certain of it.
Written by: Melanie Groves