The Shirt Says It All

 In Weekly Forum Discussion

Ah perfectionism… or should I say ugh, perfectionism.

This is one my biggest struggles, and I am so glad we are touching on this topic. There is so much that people do not know about me, and I am open to sharing!

Hi, my name is Krystle Rhea, and I am a perfectionist (there is some humour here).

My life is built up around the standards I set for myself. I guess I would say that I am my toughest critic. I always raise the bar quite high and need a ladder to reach it. When I do anything, I do it perfectly, or what I would consider perfect. And if I feel that I will fail, I avoid it like the plague because its easier for me to not do it at all, than to fail.

But perfectionism isn’t necessarily a negative thing. Because, I would say that everything I do, I do with my whole heart. I am passionate and dedicated. This to me, is a positive thing.

Before I take on any task, I already have a vision in place. There’s an end goal in mind. Getting there is the trick. What do I have to do in order to reach that goal? I recently started a new path down homeopathy. For the longest time, I have suffered from anxiety and bouts of depression. Finding solutions to the symptoms was a journey for me. I traveled down many paths. I told myself that I needed to be “fixed.” The fact that I was aware of my life and emotional state was a positive thing, because I wouldn’t settle in to this and be okay with staying here. So my goal is: Live in a happy emotional state, secure in myself and others around me. Let go of the ideas which held me back, and plant new beliefs in my head and heart.

I was programmed to believe that “here is the symptom” and “here is the remedy” to treat it, and cured!

This has not been the case…

It has been a journey to finding the root causes of my symptoms. Feeling those emotions and working through them. One step at a time. As opposed to running from them, treating them, masking them, hiding them. I have learned that my feelings were coming from believing that I wasn’t good enough. That no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. And not being fully accepted for who I am, because I am not good enough.

It’s been a short while since I began. This has allowed me to refocus my perfectionism on something else. Me!

I am my own project. So every single day has been about slowly evolving myself, and choosing the things that I do that are good enough for me!

I wake up each day and focus on what I can do to allow myself to feel worthy. Make my perfect cup of coffee, sit and slowly savour – perfect. Take my dog for a walk to my favourite place and breathe in and out, enjoy the scenery and take it all in – perfect. Pour myself a bath, relax and let all the tension melt away – perfect. Kiss my husband and two beautiful kids everyday – perfect.

Instead of seeing it as a negative thing, it has become a positive change. With each new task, I’m changing and it feels amazing!

Of course, there are other things I can’t let go of, like having things straight. This is a big one for me! If one of my pictures on my wall is crooked, it drives me crazy; toothpaste on the bathroom mirror, when the dog lays on the carpet and not her bed (because for some reason it’s just comfier?), and the list goes on. Trying to not let the little things bother me is a challenge, but it’s one thing at a time. And, if I didn’t have some sort of perfectionism I feel like my house would be slightly chaotic.

I’m raising my glass to a new journey, a new me and a whole lot of good times. Cheers!

Written by: Krystle Rhea; Just Breathe Mama

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