Abuse is one of the most destructive experiences a person can have; nevertheless almost all of us get acquainted with this sort of situation throughout our lifetime, some even on more than one occasion. Also if some may have undergone a mild version of it, mild doesn’t mean non-shattering. For that is what happens when you’re being abused, whether physically, emotionally or psychologically: you feel something inside of you shattering into a million pieces. It’s something intrinsically valuable and at the same time often doesn’t seem easy to repair. It is your sense of self. Who are you after you’ve been abused? Are you still the same person you were before or has the perpetrator changed what it means to be you forever? Can you ever undo its effects on you or has the experience and all the hurt that comes with it inseparably amalgamated with who you are?
A big part of the devastation that abuse creates is the shift in the sense of what you deserve, which in return limits the freedom you seem to have around creating your life. This is mainly rooted in feelings of shame and guilt and can show up anywhere on the spectrum. It can be as extreme as thinking you deserved the abusive behaviour in the first place all the way down to feeling reluctant in your joy when you get what you want.
It can also show up as self-sabotage. How often did you call abusive energy back in right when you were moving forward considering what you want? Think of it as feeling super energized and good about yourself and your life only to be hit on the head with a big rubber mallet making sure you’re not daring too greatly. So instead of focusing on what you want you can get stuck in abusive patterns in your life.
As a victim of abuse you may reason that you have been treated that way because you’re not good or valuable enough. Yet rather your energy, your light is so strong that the perpetrator couldn’t deal with it other than to abuse. This is not meant as an excuse for anyone who abuses, but rather a confirmation of the worth, the value and the amazingness of the person who experienced the abuse. And in this awareness also lies the solution: to get more connected to your own strength and your focus on what you really want as well as deserve, than to the reasons for someone else creating abuse and crossing other people’s boundaries.
Are you ready to take that leap?