I Want to Do It Because I Want to Do It
“I want to do it because I want to do it.” Amelia Earhart
Asking for permission.
Explaining my choices and decisions.
Thinking I had to know all the answers before I could take a step to follow my heart.
Growing up, and for my entire 61-year-old life, I have felt a constant tug to do things that would bring comfort and pride to my parents, siblings, and children. Yep. That pretty much says it. Making choices and decisions so I wouldn’t let them down or embarrass them. It used to be hard to break free of that, and make the best decision for me. Now, I am aware of it being there in the background, but it doesn’t limit me. It is a pause, a blip on my screen. I notice the automatic check-in about how this will affect everyone else. I take a deep breath and turn the attention to me. I check-in with myself. There is a rich pool of trust inside of me. I believe in myself. There is so much evidence and experience to draw on. It is an ongoing practice, like eating food every day to nourish my body. I have practices that nurture a relationship with my inner knowing.
On those days when I might feel wobbly or feel like I have to “explain myself” to someone, I remind myself of this quote. When asked, “When are you going to get your own place to live? When are you going to settle down? Why are you spending so much time writing? Why are you living in Seattle this summer? What do you hope to accomplish? Why are you (fill in the blank)?”
I repeat the words to myself:
“I want to do it because I want to do it.” When I need more reinforcement, I follow up with words from the song, Grown Woman: “I’m a grown woman, I can do whatever I want.”
None of the answers or explanations matter. “I want to do it because I want to do it,” because I am alive and I want to experience life and my inner knowing. My heart is pointing me onto a path, one step at a time.
Underneath the questions that loved ones are asking, “I am afraid. I want to spend time with you. I want your attention. I am uncomfortable. I don’t understand. I need to know what is going to happen. I feel out of control”
And you know, I’ve got this. I have hopped on this roller coaster many times and I love the ride. I love life. At the end of the ride, I will fill you in on the adventure. But, when I’m on the ride, I am going to enjoy it and feel all of the emotions. I can handle it. This is my life!
Amelia Earhart’s quote is a call for women to embrace their sense of adventure and live life! In the second part of that quote, Amelia says, “Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be a challenge to others.”
Sending love to people in my life, I return to myself and to the adventure of living. Life is an amazing adventure. Today I walked in the Arboretum and stood in awe of the magnificent trees. I looked at the pine cones that are growing. I saw a Hummingbird. I smiled at the people I passed on the path. Savored a hot cup of coffee while watching the dogs in the yard. Spent time writing my book and feeling feelings. There are no explanations.
I am Alive.