You Can’t Steal Second Base Without Taking Your Foot Off First

 In Weekly Forum Discussion

At my door is my most previous journal. I bought it because it says “All those who wander are not lost” on the front. I bought it to cheer myself on, and to convince myself that the lost I was feeling was OK. The truth is when I see it, it is written in such a way that it actually reads: All those who wander are lost. The lost is HUGE. Every single time I see it, out of the corner of my eye, I feel like I am reminded that I am lost, and then I have to defend myself.

On my fridge, “you can’t steal 2nd base without taking your foot off of the first..” It makes that “gulp” feeling or that feeling of fear OK. It’s not OK to stay stuck in the “gulp” feeling, and I have already decided to go forward. I’m in “GO”, and that requires zero hesitation. Besides, it’s not at all natural for me to hesitate. I’m the one that always goes first off the cornice. Then I stand aside, let the other person past because they now want me to follow in case they fall. THAT’S me.

Ha – and when I did play baseball as a kid, I hit only 2 kinds of balls – fouls or homers. And I ran like the wind if it was a train. The other kids would step out of the way if I stole a base, whether they had the ball or not. I’m kind of an a-hole.

I actually have my own quote scribbled in my kitchen – “who’s going to stop me?” Well, ME. It’s always me stopping me!

I know, like I know that I know, that the need for reassurance is, yes, a legitimate need, but that it is also insatiable. A sycophant.

This week, my biggest self love act has been to get rid of all of these “motivational” quotes and talismans in my environment that are reflecting my fear and self doubt, or that it is “hard”, this life of a visionary. Those energies will always be there, and I was taught to use fear and worry as a limiter. And that’s Ok now, I get it. Who wouldn’t want to keep this a-hole of a literal cliff jumper tethered? I have personal developmented the scheize out of that, and I get it; it was definitely necessary to teach me to self-police. My own skinny little creepy little ego gaslit me into believing it was impossible for me to discern the current risk-reality. Well, I’m already off of the damn cornice. Of course I can’t see my skis, it’s too damn delicious.

I am going back to the one single motivational quote that I had on a post-it in my Invermere Basement Sanctuary: What is possible? That’s more like me, and speaks to my fearless nature.

I mean, the reality is that yes, this project has many moving parts, and it takes discipline, but it’s not hard. I have my team. When I look at what you Ladies do in your lives, with your lives, that inspires me. THAT motivates me.

P.S. Shout out to our Patsy Lussier for this quote xo

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