Ya! Believe in My Beads!
Last night, after a really long week of painting, which almost broke me, but I pulled it out of the tank beautifully, like I may even come out of it with a new hiking buddy. Business-feeding-vision life aside, my bones need that! I feel like I’ve come out of some bizarre intergalactic wormhole. The week started really well, all the checks in all the boxes perfection, and then it rocketed into the sludge of me witnessing a woman leaving an abusive relationship – the really subtle kind like I have experienced – and then her projecting all of that anger and humiliation at me. I almost walked out, and then I realised this could be the exact experience I could use to see MY experiences as what they were: not my fault; not my shame; not my self-loathing. His.
This wasn’t where I expected to go with this post! It’s good though. It has a magnificent ending, and I’m grateful to you Ladies for creating this space with me FOR me, and for other women who choose to do what I did – and frankly what my painting customer is doing right now! Consciously Woman would not exist at all if you didn’t believe in exactly me and this revolutionary space you have helped me create. What I have been able to give to my customer winning the fight of her life – can’t begin to describe the fight I am also witnessing her win for her kids, boys; critical – by being confident in my own reality (vs the abuse-trauma that re-creates itself when I get triggered) has been profound. I didn’t even have to tell her about my experience, I was just simply the example she could follow, without her knowing, and without us having to waste the time commiserating. Not only did I walk out of there yesterday feeling proud of myself and proud of her, I felt happy and free. Imagine that hey?!
And better, I had an abundance of energy left to go to Art Crawl last night. THAT’S the stuff I live for! Ha! It was a really fun transition too. I had to drop off a ladder and my Dad’s truck on the way. Dad sent me away with a ladder solution for Monday, and Mum sent me off with a dinner all ready to eat when I got home. It was so fun to drive away from my childhood home, my ridiculously cute parents waving and feeling their pride in me as I am doing it. All the fugitive pieces are coming together.
Gas up. Drive fast and sing in the car for 30 minutes. Eat THE best kind of take out ever. Wardrobe change. Out the door!
And now we re-join the initial impetus of my request ha! Believe in my beads!
When I walked in the art store last night to hang out with my now fellow artisan and friend (one year ago she was just an artist I was stalking ha!), there were my beads! They really do speak to me, and last night they were like a celebration. They are a new style, that I so enjoy making. It’s taken a lot of time to craft something that meets my desires as an artist, and the wants of a “buyer”. It’s a tricky thing and there it was glowing in this incredibly beautiful shop. It was the first time I had seen them out on display and I was so totally in love.
Even better?! People loved them too! As I watched people look at them, I saw in their faces the feeling I get when I see something that is uniquely me, and something I’ve never seen before. I felt totally satisfied as an artist. And, as a business owner, I didn’t have to sell my work, they got it. They wanted it.
Even better!? I know, It’s crazy!!! A local writer and photographer who features a particular artist every Art Crawl came into the shop to take photos and to promote Alicia’s store. She grabbed me and told the photographer to take a picture of she and I together, featuring my work. That’s huge!
Believe in my beads. And believe in ME and my ability to make a beautiful, satisfying small business out of that joy. I’ve taken a whole year to create that exact moment. A success! The sustained abundance will come from me keeping that ball in the air.