As I have mentioned I’m working on starting my business, at the same time it might be the case I’ll have to have a part time job to support myself.
Today I was asked by a friend’s mother how I am doing and what my situation is jobwise. I used my default statement of “I’m currently in a vocational orientation phase.”, but I was a little surprised by her approaching me so she caught me off guard and it didn’t feel 100% confident to me for sure. And of course she asked again “So what are your plans?” “You mean jobwise?” “Yes.” “Well, I am orientating myself.” I felt a little annoyed that she didn’t get it right away and I felt she wasn’t satisfied or better yet reassured. I felt her doubt and worry. But while I felt it the amazing thing is because of the default statement and this topic I was so aware of it, I felt it as hers and didn’t fall into that trap myself!! I went away knowing she was carrying worry energy, but I was clean of that. Probably also because my mind is much more focused on the business right now and that I kept a secret. Which was a unconscious reflex I guess because I know she always carries a lot of worry.
You’re so damn lovely. I don’t make the switch so quickly sometimes. I might have replied, “alien research….” Ha!
Also, I have been on the other side of that conversation many many times, and for a loooong time…. Living and working in the ski (bum) industry, there are a lot of people in that community who do seasonal work. When we/they were younger, this could mean not knowing where the next pay cheque would come from, and you had $100 in the bank.
I was lucky. I went home to Ontario every summer to a big painting business and rent free living at my parent’s home. I had it so good, and was so secure that one summer, 2 days before my first painting job of the season, I spent my last $100 on art! (I still have and love those paintings! Both Van Gogh reproductions and they have traveled to every one of my homes ever since. It was perhaps the best investment in my future I ever made ha!) I had a full tank of gas, home cooked meals, and a well-stocked painting kit in my trunk. So, but comparison, I had the freewheelin’ lifestyle without the stress of subsistence or of not knowing my general direction. Honestly, I look back at this and wonder why I ever wanted more.
I found the person who did not have the security I did so inspirational. I used to be that person who pressed for an answer to “what are you doing for work” because I found the other person so interesting. It didn’t take me long to learn NOT to press into that! A guy I knew yelled at me in front of a bunch of people. Of course we were all friends, so in front of those same people I had the room to apologise, and then in front of those same people, he in turn had the space to say he was sorry too; he was really worried he wasn’t going to get a job at all.
I like remembering this. It helps me to really drive home to my (bad-ass-alien-research) self that the people who ask me those questions are just curious and definitely find me inspiring. I get that feedback a lot. Those same people always have really good ideas and suggestions too. Ha – and it IS alien research maybe. They often reflect something of myself back to me in their suggestions and their feedback that I hadn’t noticed or thought of as a possibility.
Ha! I just called you badass in my last post. Nailed it! Ha! I used to get really annoyed when people asked me what I did until I became comfortable enough with myself that I could own what I do. My answer would be that I do what I love by running a dog kennel. I realized that most were intrigued and it was me thinking they were judging me. The questions were because they truly wanted to know more. The other day a friend asked if I actually make money at my business. Had she asked me that a year or two ago I would have assumed that she thought I was struggling and likely told her it was none of her business. This time I just confidently answered, “Well of course. I wouldn’t have stayed with it this long if I wasn’t making money.”
It felt good to just state it like that.