Practice Being Seen

My gut never lies either Amber! It’s always chatt-a-chatting. There are so many moving parts for me, so many parts at all, and all of them I want or need to keep in my life. I see what is next, but so often the next thing after that comes before I have completed the action for what is next. My intuition is light years ahead of my doing-ability. I have a coaching session for me once a week and I actively use relational reflections, but neither of those really let my intuition lead the way. They absolutely make the tasks easier and the physical know-how of my vision possible, but the intuitive or gut instinct is really where my direction comes from.

About 6 months ago, I actively engaged in a way to access my intuition. It was a complete accident. I have for years used a local Labyrinth as a kind of contrived “focus” or entertainment-style of focus, as in I would play around with the information I received there. It was always right, that information or the “hits” I would receive there. Then about a year ago, I started going there more frequently, more as a tool to relieve the anxiety. It’s a form of meditation, really, and I thought it would also give me some accountability with my anxiety. It’s not close enough to be an every day tool for that, so It was nice to notice how my anxiety was improving (or not!) every few weeks.

So, of course because of my intention of creating a solution to the anxiety, or better letting the solution to the anxiety unfold via the regular focus and accountability the Labyrinth was prodiving…. ah, and my obsessive “noticing”… That is a huge part of the equation. Anyway, I noticed that I would enter the Labyrinth, get in touch with my intention of solving the anxiety, let the first few twists and turns calm me, and then instinctively commence obsessive noticing. What I noticed is that the regular connection to this tool had started to train my anxiety that this was the place where I was listening, where I would not ignore it or defend it or let it be all pissy-pants behind the wheel. Suddenly I would start getting those intuitive directions. They were random at first, but absolutely intuitive direction and instructions. I know this because of how they feel, and where exactly they land on my body – right about where my jaw connects to my tongue, inside my head. And the minute I try to “look” there to check and see if I’m a lunatic, I am very aware that the origin of those instructions (almost voice-like, but may or may not be me; 43 effing years of this and I’m not positive if that’s me talking, please refer to the definition of lunacy for further details) is from above and behind my actual ears WAY outside of my head. I’d say about 30 feet. If I look at that spot, it moves further away like a cat.

Right. The lunacy is in the details. Let’s agree for the unfolding of this week’s a-ha for me, that the voice of my intuition is mine. Of course it is, as long as I don’t “think” about it. Cool thing is that I know from my own history, that following the instructions from that part of my brain gets me to where I want to go. In fact, in a crisis, my body will move in time with that voice. They are precisely in step with each other, as long as I don’t think about it. Bulls eye.

The more regularly I started visiting the Labyrinth, the more I started relaxing into using it as a tool this way. I would bring to it, the problem I wanted solved. I started using it like a coaching space. What did I want to work on? The answers would come. After some noticing, I realised the answers were almost mantra-like. Simple. Easily repeatable. Easy to remember. Most of them “doing” actions.

Well, being a coach, I know that this kind of conversation with my intuition is completely trust-driven. This is probably the most important fact I have learned coaching other people. It doesn’t matter what your intuition offers as a solution, you must do it. These kinds of conversations (usually mediated by a coach or a tool, depending on your needs at the moment) produce a kind of a contract between you and your intuition or higher-self or sub-conscious, whatever part of you answers the call – and that part uses a shared voice; the voice is the sum of the parts. In these instances – whether spontaneous, but especially when contrived, called upon – you must do exactly what is “prescribed” or instructed by your intuition. Well, if you want the results that you intend or expect anyway !

So, for me, my experience this week with the NO, leads directly to this a-ha. I’m using the Labyrinth to get me there.

I have grown over the past few months to understand the direct value of using the Labyrinth to remove my NOs. I don’t want this. I want to get rid of this. I want this NOT to happen. This isn’t going as I want, what do I do?I’m concerned about this…. doesn’t matter. I was using it to solve the things I didn’t want or was struggling with. Suddenly, on the way to the Labyrinth yesterday, I was inspired to use it the same way as I have come to experience works, but in the opposite direction. On the way there, I thought what if I used this regular rip around the Labyrinth to help me have more of the awesomeness that is happening to me in the past few weeks.

I’m surrounded by amazing friends and colleagues, who inspire me every minute with their awesomeness. My G is doing really well, and my family doesn’t need me to do anything but be his lucky grandchild. The lettuce in my garden is delish. I fixed a website thing that I have been trying to figure out for 6 months. My amazing IT friend is not just helping me but teaching me. I’m writing every day. My painting business is reliable verging on steady (that’s vague yes, but perfect!) I’m in love with my bead business. Even the man of my dreams called me and suggested we aren’t getting any younger (tee hee, that’s a fun secret hey!), which made me laugh because I’ve never felt so young and full of life. I mean I’m on a total high-one! It was a stellar day, and I thought well, what the heck do I need the Labyrinth to fix? The AC in my car even fixed itself!

Arrgh it’s too fun to write this all down. This here is the result of NOing it up this week ha!

Anyway, all I could come up with was more. I want more. I want to keep going this easily, and I want the crunchy bits to just slough off without my effort. That was my cheeky request of the Labyrinth this time: more.

When I got there, the energy was different even before I got out of the car. The Labyrinth started working on that part of my brain immediately! I almost ran back to the car, totally excited and totally satisfied with just the feeling of excitement. Honestly, it was like being in my own movie (lunacy alert) because my shadow was AHEAD of me. Remember in Peter Pan or something the kid’s shadow would run out ahead and motion “follow me!” That. I mean seriously. It was almost uncontainable joy so I just started skipping, like literally, across the parking lot. YES I was THAT ridiculous adult-woman! I was feeling absolutely self-conscious but I couldn’t help it! My little voice said: Ignore the people watching you. So I dance-squished a few maple keys and kept going.

It was one of the clearest Labyrinth sessions ever. I always write down the instructions when I get to the car, but I really don’t need to. They are so clear and simple:

1. Go for a walk every night. Practice being watched.

2. Listen to music. As in never turn the radio off.

3. Do the IT yourself, it’s faster.

These are incredible instructions. I went away feeling that amazing energy completely grounded. I felt freedom. My mind finally connected all those dots that are MY how-to intuitive process, and better, how to use it as a creative force, rather than a protective or “intelligent” force. When I bounced my way back to the car, I could feel that I didn’t need to look into why I received these answers. I knew I just had to do those things and not ask questions – those were the gut-instinct answers. I know now, after sharing this here, so I will share them with you Ladies too! It’s kind of neat.

1. Walk every night and practice being seen: I don’t like being watched, but I love to walk more. This “action” will solve the fear of having my writing public.

2. Listen to music, always. Singing along keeps my energy up and my “thinking” down. It doesn’t distract me, like I “think” it does. I actually prefer it…. that’s WAY more me that the silence I have desperately needed for the past few years. With this action, I get to experience “more”, without the sub-conscious fear of hypersensitive overwhelm.

3. Do the IT myself. I’m pretty damn bad ass. I can learn anything, and I have done the hard part. I have created my team of writers. Three blog projects, all running brilliantly, and basically without me doing the content heavy-lifting. They don’t need me! That feels amazing, and it will feel even MORE amazing when I create the final piece for us as a team – monetization.

Yes please, more!