I am organised, really well organised. I couldn’t do what I do if I wasn’t.
This is a great thing for me to lean into feeling with more certainty this week. I’m all over the map, and I’m not dropping 8 balls, but I’m behind them. Yes, there are several in this epoch of my life and I’m in love with them all. I’m behind the 8 balls!
Last night, as I was putting the uncooked chicken back into the fridge, in lieu of the quinoa and lettuce I had already ruined my “proper” dinner with an hour earlier, I saw it all so clearly! I have been really frustrated the last 10 days since I came home from my aunt’s, but I couldn’t really figure out why. Everything is perfect. The blog projects, and all their supportive “income” activities are going along tickety-boo. I am likely booking another painting job tomorrow also. That’s what “steady” work in that kind of business looks like, so that sustainable income is a success in itself.
I’ve created lots of space. And when I stretch out a little, this dream of mine is even more beautiful than I had imagined. I’m loving it more than I thought possible.
The weirdest thing is I have this clog up of frenetic energy that feels a lot like anxiety and it’s making me really restless and irritable and so oddly unproductive! It’s such a weird feeling and then last night as I put the chicken back in the fridge, I realised what it was. l am suddenly able to relax a little and I have so much extra energy, energy to burn whoop whoop! I wake up and GO! I see my clients and GO! I do my painting and GO! I make a few beads and GO! I walk the dog and hang with G and GO! All of these activities are generative and enlivening. It’s so awesome!
BUT… there is always a “but” in personal development hey?! I mean what the what! It’s GO TIME! But there is always that part of you – as in ME in this story – that freaks out and can’t settle into that joyful and enlivening part of success. I wonder if for us anxiety-subscribers if the excitement doesn’t kick off some resonant anxiety. We have that cute suggestion from our coaches to ask the question: is this excitement or anxiety? The body doesn’t know the difference, so it feels the same. It’s really obvious for me in the past week or so that the excitement I felt when I was staying at my aunt’s has morphed into anxiety now that I am home. OR I can’t maintain the excitement so I have to revert to anxiety… apples to oranges on this side of the equation! When I’m the coach it’s easy, yet when I’m in my own body of details around this same process, I want to tell the anxiety to shove the excitement up its…
Oh no, wait, let’s “re-frame” that to have the excitement shove the anxiety up its… That’s a much more positive position on the matter. Let’s stay centred in our consicous minds. Yes, I do know my clients want to brain me sometimes! I literally FEEL their exact frustrations on that one!
Anyhoo… Let’s get these thoughts organised. I’m really writing my own recipe for claiming that natural and positive position in myself, and as an entrepreneur that organisation is essential. (Big thanks to Lia for bringing in the concept of claiming our positive positions – that’s gold.)l need to claim what is already present, and then let that natural positioning clarify the anxious restlessness. I saw it in a flash as I put the chicken back in the fridge. It was so simple.
When I am at my aunt’s, I cook everything for a few days all at once. She lives far enough in the country that I do not want to have unplanned meals. I also keep it simple. She has a beautiful kitchen counter eating area with great light and wonderful bar stools. I love working and writing in her kitchen, such a beautiful space. I don’t want it all cluttered with elaborate dinners, and I don’t want to have to clean up my planning notes at meal times. It makes it hard to shift in and out of “working” and writing time. If I rearrange the reminders and post-it notes, it can cost me literally hours to get back on track. Restlessness is an important bi product of my creativity, so I need to make my productivity process work in collaboration with the ants in my pants. Being at my aunt’s house for the week meant I had only exactly what I was working on on that desk top. Even some earrings I was putting together for a show were in a single box with only exactly what I needed to complete the task. Everything fit into my lap top bag, and I only had a couple of outfits to wear.
It was bliss. There were no outdated to-do lists. The pile of epiphanies for blog posts was not there to distract me – or make me feel like a cliche; epiphanies are no longer epiphanies the minute they hit the page, but that’s another story that begins and ends with ants in my pants. There were no clothes “in review”. There were no doors to paint between calls. There were no distractions, and all restlessness was immediately taken outside for a walk to the end of the driveway, set free into the spectacular afternoon.
It was efficiency at its best. It was me at MY best. Organised. On top of the current task, with no need to reinvent the wheel every time I took a break. There was excess energy everywhere and it was in the right place. I felt lifted and free. Tasks become easier and easier, and I kept creating more and more free time at the end of each day. I even watched a few movies. It was totally delightful. Everything and more was done for the day, I had some extra daily physical activity, I ate well and I slept well. I had extra time at the end of the day for enjoyment.
What is missing here at home is the next level of organisation to support the things I have created. I have spent the last several days just pushing through the lack of organisation and ignoring the negative affect it has on me. I have chosen the “glorification of busy”, the “scatter”, to produce a result – that’s why it doesn’t work to do that. I know better. Instead, I can take the rest of this call topic to really dig in and bring my organisation up to speed. I’m so grateful for this conversation. I would still be struggling against the frustrations. Stop. Instead I am free as a bird!