Broke into the Old Apartment

 In Inspiration, The Artist Date, Weekly Forum Discussion

This weekend I said NO to being distracted and kept up all night with another teenaged back yard party. Clearly it will be a whole summer of this. It’s certainly an annoyance, but what is worse is my preoccupation with being irritated by this. I”m a lucky lady. I have 4 actual bedrooms in this house. I have 3 couches, 2 love seats, and too many chairs. I have even been known to have a cat nap on my yoga mat!

I am not restricted to sleeping in my bedroom – the noisiest room in the house if the neighbours are being noisy. It’s not “ideal” for me to have noisy neighbours, or even neighbours at all (how Dr. Suess), but it is not necessary for me to get distracted by that frustration. And it oooooh it does derail me! I could be wrestling with a website function and “SPLASH” one drunk teenager overboard, and then a loud fishing him out. Pool parties.

Well, this is a job for a NO. And what do we get? A YES!!! Yes, indeed. This is a beautiful house. I should spread out a little!

Here, Ladies, is my new “old apartment”. I have lots of hippery that has moved around with me and I love it all. I’m not ready to get rid of it, because it will be the furniture I use to fill out my dream studio. There will be painting, bead making, and rocket ship making, Wait, I mean writing. Same diff.

It felt amazing this weekend to put all of this together, to complete it. I have spent a lot of time de-cluttering – and there is a little left yet as you can see – but I hadn’t arranged the furniture yet. It’s not all in the perfect spot yet, but it reminds me of all the basement apartment sanctuaries I have had along the way. I’ve made many homes for me, myself and my writing as we have grown and traveled together! I can certainly do that here.

I did this out of a desperation for quiet, and absolutely in a childish fit about my lack of control, but as I did it, I started to feel the opposite: accomplished and creative. Then instantly, I was able to say NO to the real issue, which exists in me: I go to the external irritation to find out where I am NOT first, and then I forget to bounce to where I really am. That’s not unusual at all. Our minds do that when we are scared and nervous about what may or may not happen. It’s not even real.

Truth is, I know where I am, and I’ve worked so damn hard to get here. I’m in the driver’s seat of not just my own writing career and the sharing of my own intellectual capital, but I have created a network of women like me, and I have built us a platform. That doesn’t really count as “fear of the unknown.” Oh the dreaded unknown. Such a slippery sucker. Ya – even when I flip it around, and I see what I have built for them, I don’t get nervous at all. I say “YES, GO. Do your thing. It’s all set up.” Ha – and they ain’t scared. They trust me. I could trust me too, just as easily as making up a spare room in the basement. I mean heck, I trust those Ladies too. I would “YES, GO” wherever they suggested too. That’s the point. That’s part of what I’ve spent so much time building: co-confidence. When we reflect it to each other, our own becomes more available, more true.

So. After I moved the couch into position, I sat there for a few minutes. It was deliciously quiet. My feet found my bunker of a coffee table, and I was reminded of how many hours I’ve spent writing already in this spot. It has traveled with me and I have finally found that peace here too. It is not missing. It is not in someone else’s control.

I’m excited now, and even looking forward to the next party out back! I am all set to teleport into my own creativity ha! There are still some important pieces to get done, to learn, and there will likely be an obstacle or three, but So fun.

This is the song I kept singing ha! Broke into the old apartment! Yes, it’s a little twisted, but my new old apartment is a feeling and the Barenaked Ladies have been part of that feeling for a long time too!


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