Kick it to the Curb

With this topic in the back of my mind it is interesting to see how procrastination stops flow, action, movement, even in very simple ways.

Sometimes I don’t throw out the trash bag in time so it keeps getting fuller and fuller until nothing more fits in there really. That happened this week. I meant to take down the trash several times on my way out, but I kept forgetting. Yesterday it was full to the fullest. Therefore I couldn’t throw out the trash that came with preparing and having food. O.k. But that resulted in dishes etc. piling up in the kitchen. My kitchen is tiny which makes it necessary to clean it very regularly, something that in fact I enjoy doing because of the immediate satisfaction I get out of it. But the full trash bag brought this whole process to a complete and unconscious stop that I didn’t even really notice until I got unnerved by the mess in my little kitchen. I had to make the conscious choice to restart the process by putting my shoes on, going downstairs and finally getting rid of the trash bag. It was hilarious for me to see an otherwise enjoyable process come to a full stop because of procrastinating such a minuscule task!

When I read the explanation of this week’s topic mentioning that procrastination might point to something else, at first I thought, “What should my procrastination point towards? It’s just me being lazy and not disciplined enough. What else?” But then I took a deeper look exploring my own procrastination tendencies that in part show up in the stop and go movement I mentioned recently. To my surprise I found defiance. It felt like a defiant teenager, that’s the best way I can describe it really. But why would there be a defiant teenager not wanting to do things?

I am naturally very driven, always seeing what needs improvement, wanting to constantly grow and give my best. While that is a wonderful trait that keeps me moving forward at times it results in being too focused on what’s still missing, feeling bad for not doing or giving enough and ignoring my own limits. I think that is the reason for my inner defiant teenager to show up. So instead of applying more discipline to overcome the defiance I need to accept that it is there to keep me healthy and in balance, insuring I don’t just do for the sake of doing, but to move towards what I really want. So while, yes, procrastination stops momentum, my inner teenager has a good reason to apply her defiance: to make sure I don’t get lost in actions, but find the right path for myself, and she gives me the opportunity to make a conscious choice my asking myself, “What do I want to do right now?”