The Value of Conscious Empathy

 In Weekly Forum Discussion

I love reading the empath part here… As you all know I just met with a photographer and web designer. I was looking to him to pimp my ride so that I looked fantastic as I start to make what I”m doing public. It was a huge to-do for many weird reasons that I’ve talked about ad-nauseum over the past few weeks.

Fortunately I somehow remained really conscious for the whole thing, and I talked about it here and with a couple of really respected heads. I was well prepared and I was well supported in my thoughts and feelings afterwards.

To keep it quick, a good many things didn’t add up, and because they didn’t my curiosity was greater than my embarrassment. I was really embarrassed that a) I immediately fell into my deranged social anxiety at the meeting which resulted in him not having any sense of who I am or what my projects are, a total lack of interest and b) I couldn’t afford him. Lucky though, totally lucky. I was so weirded out, and I know from several opportunities that if I can’t find a way to afford something, then that is exactly the thing not to purchase. In the end, I had to know like I know that he wasn’t aware of me at all, that I wasn’t on his radar for one second, so “copping” to deferring his services would not register either, would quickly be forgotten, or he would laugh and call me a “loser” (see the theme here this week, wow) for just kicking the tires.

I do that too when people are not “ready” for my services, and not always in a balanced way. That was good for me to note also! I am very aware that he was a perfect mirror for where I”m “at”. Super confident, but easily tripped into my own insecurities. In fact several times in the conversation, I found myself planting “coaching seeds” for him. THAT was in hindsight a very curious thing. I noticed all the places he was only partly up to speed in his business, and upon reflection he and I are each other’s ideal clients. The difference was I was not bluffing about where I’m “at”. He was.

So I continued stalking him of course. For me, I learn fastest by example. He has since totally fallen apart. He was on an absolute false high one when I saw him, and he missed the authentic growth in his business. He is so moved more by the external “desire” for him to be a certain way to “impress”, rather than be the unbelievable talent that he is, and just present that. He had totally misrepresented in our meeting, and as crunchy as it was, I did the opposite. I was authentic, and in his almost perfectly resonant reflection, I saw my own opposite.

Now when I see the information he pumps out several times a day, I see the direction I need to go, based on my feelings about his mistakes. That’s a terrible thing to admit to doing, but those reflections from someone who resonates that clearly, are critical to my process. It’s literally like having a conversation with myself and having the opportunity to coach myself.

How this ties in with empathy… I am absolutely positive, now that I have the opportunity to see him clearly several times a day via Instagram, that the feelings of “loser” in that interview were his unconscious feelings. The most valuable part for me was how profoundly I felt zero connection to him as we walked away from the meeting. ZERO. How weird is it for ME to feel zero in my body from another human being? Last time was grade 6 because I know exactly who that kid was, and in fact he was just naturally self actualised.

So, my choice really, as I walked away from the web designer in all his apparent glory, feeling nothing and like a loser at the same time, was am I going to believe my delusions about being a loser or am I going to shoot for the acceptance of self-actualised. I know because I’m a seven ways from centre expert that the guy walking away from me is UNconsciously having that conversation and he didn’t appear to make the right choice.

As empaths, we have the opportunity in every interaction to feel all of ourselves and make a choice about what parts we want to be, what parts we want to grow, and frankly, in my own personal interpretation, what delusions we allow to shrivel on the vine. It’s my own free will.

Thanks so much for posting this Sabine. I don’t know anyone who is as conscious as I am about empathy and how it affects us and how it can serve. The current-culture state of “empath” is unconsciously committed to victimhood. That exact feature is really the next level of communication, a language. Right now it’s all over the world like graffiti, and has the potential to be totally and outstandingly creative.

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