Positive Alternate Scripts
L:
This morning, quite without realizing it, I imagined the opposite of doubting self talk. While I was writing my morning pages, I started asking myself what it would feel like to feel the opposite of whatever doubts I had. And I wrote it down. It’s actually a challenge I gave to a friend a couple weeks ago when she talked about all the fears of success she was having. I asked her to think/write about what it might be like if those fears didn’t come true. And as is often the case, we give better advice to others than to ourselves. This morning, I did a smaller version of that challenge. It was just a start, but it was a different way of thinking. I have often said that I don’t know how to be other than I am with the little voice in my head, because I don’t have an alternate ‘script’ as it were. And here is a possible alternate script!
A:
YES I love this.
I have been trying that myself with this kind of weird thing I do with social “engagements”. I really want to see someone, so I make the arrangements. I get excited to see them, look forward to it.
Last minute, and all of a sudden – on the way there, or the day before, as I am waiting for them to answer the door bell – I am overcome by the feeling that they don’t want to see me, they just said yes because they felt obligated.
It’s SO weird and really, very pronounced. I have even considered discontinuing a friendship because of it. I notice all the places it shows up in the making of the plans. For example, the emails or phone messages, texts, from me will say things like “if you have time” or “if you feel like it, call me back”. Funny stuff like that. Or when I do see them, I force them into directly confirming they are in fact happy to see me. Again, this (my) behaviour like this is really bad with the one friendship I am considering ending.
Very recently, however, I have started to make changes there – more an impulse than a conscious attempt at change, really. I consciously think the opposite when I am making the arrangements or standing at the door ie “they are excited to see me.” I am also limiting my time with people who do not make me feel good about myself.
It’s still a new thing for me, but I have definitely noticed already that people are enjoying me more, respecting me more, and wanting to know me more – that’s evident by the questions they ask and how the conversation from them will be directed towards what interests me. That’s an intense compliment. People only ask you questions or engage in conversations because they find you interesting.
This is a successful alternate script! Already I have experienced results enough to make me feel more comfortable with people, and then more apt to create and participate in social gatherings. Huge win.
