I Do Love My Love-Hate Relationship With the Discussion Topic… Grrrar!
Well, as per… this week’s topic kicked me right in the ass mere moments after posting it. I do love my love-hate relationship with the call topic! Although, I also have a personal goal of somehow learning to respond gently the moment it’s posted, rather than some reactive detox of all things in my sub-conscious that do not support whatever creative nuance the weekly topic brings about!
It is a fascinating process for me, however, how almost without fail, the moment I post the topic, the “block” to whatever thing we are working on for the week, gets brought directly to the surface to be sloughed off. I’m always so glad to have this conversation to lean into while that process has it’s way with me! It’s also been amazing over the past year or so of learning that this is in fact my “process”, and being able to see it is a repeatable “reaction”. I know now not to resist my emotions and my frustrations, and also to hold space for the good part of the weekly topic work! It absolutely follows – and faster if I allow myself the space I need to get crunchy. That said, it is not always crunchy and the benefits far out weigh any crunchy frustrations. Recently, too, I have started to be able to be clear enough – to spite the heat of the frustration – to think about what I would like to have instead of the frustrations. I think that is almost almost the sweet spot where I get to use the contrast to have me become really clear about my ideals or what I would like to achieve.
This week, with our topic being daily scare-myself, I am happily participating in a practice that I do consciously and unconsciously. In all honesty, I am naturally fearless, and I was excited to use the week to move through this really stubborn case of stage fright I have about writing on the blogs. Well, the writing part is easy, got that down pat, but putting the writing onto the blog, with the intention to make it public – and all of them yikes! – has me frozen solid. It’s so clear how it has come to an almost halt!
Things are still crunchy now, so I will wait until tomorrow to share my experiences more clearly – and with less drama wow – but this topic has uncovered the source of my lack of confidence. It’s been brilliant. Again, to spare you Ladies the he said, she said, we said, they said of it all, I will summarise it tomorrow. It’s good stuff. I am so excited to be starting the blogs with my natural fearless confidence intact. It will take a few more days I think for it all to settle, but I am already making a list of very specific scare-tasks this week. So great.
