I Am Awesome
Awesome, just the topic I need.
Ladies, I am back home, that is for a few days since I’ll spend New Year’s at a friends’ home.
I have been blessed with lots in the last few weeks that I am immensely grateful for. I have regained my desire to exercise, not because I have to but because I want to and my body craves it. My food choices have improved drastically so much so I get it when my body is hungry and that’s on a wonderfully regular basis. I give myself more space to feel my feelings, every once in a while I check in with myself just to know where I am emotionally. I’ve showed myself very clearly: I am lovable. I am a desirable woman. I am plain awesome ! Well and I have a wide variety of talents and gifts. And not best of all, but most effortless of all: I lost 5 kg on the way. Nice 😉
This topic IS rock and roll! It’s been a spectacular day, and this particular head space made it even more fulfilling I think.
I clean my parent’s house twice a month. I know, sounds ridiculous, but it is a really great exchange for my Mum and I. She was desperate for a cleaning lady, and I jumped in after a few mis-matches as a way to help her out, and as a way for me to make some extra “free” money. It’s cash so it is not metered by this ship I’m currently driving, it’s physical labour which I love, and it also provides a little structure to my no structure work habits at the moment. It lets me relax and clear my head. Plus it really feels good to care for my parents a little, esp my Mum. We laugh because SHE taught my brother and I how to clean. In this weird way she is reaping the rewards of her teaching us!
It also feels really really good to make their house perfect for them. We talked about that phenomenon a long time ago in this group – how cleaning someone else’s house feels so great.
I generally love it, but having gratitude as the theme for my thoughts today is definitely what made it spectacular. What was so amazing to me was how many associative things start to run through my mind when I think about the specific thing I am grateful for. I started the day grateful for the amazing and super warm blanket I got for Christmas. I’m sure I’m more rested just because of it! Then I was grateful my friend sent me a picture of his daughter, how he treats me like family and lets me enjoy her growing up beautifully, like I’m really her aunt. Then I was grateful for the light traffic into Oakville. And then I was grateful for the feeling I get in my home town. Relaxed and familiar.
It just kept snowballing! They were all little, and seemingly meaningless things to be grateful for, but as usual, it was how I am feeling these days that I am most grateful for. I feel relaxed, satisfied, and yes nervous about how it is all coming together, but underneath it all, what is holding up this very full plate, is the stable energy of success. I knew it would happen eventually, I could always see that, but I couldn’t feel it, and I certainly couldn’t rationalise trusting it.
Today though, as I drove and worked and drove home again, I could feel a definite difference in my gratitude practice today. I wasn’t doing it from a place of lack, fear, hope, wishing… I was doing it from a place of joy, awe, calm, knowing, and accomplishment. I felt safe and happy.