Decisions, Decisions… Better Decisions are Effortless
L:
A co-worker told me about an opportunity to take on a part time gig – something that would be 2-3 hours a few times a month, for a decent amount of money. I like the idea of having a little extra to save or put towards the vision. It seemed straight-forward and she made it sound like it wouldn’t be too much effort (once I get the hang of it. It’s taking minutes at board meetings by the way). I started the application process, but I wasn’t feeling all that excited about it. Turns out the application process is more in-depth than it was for my co-worker who has worked with the company for some time. I found it taking up my time this week, not just physically in doing the task, but mentally (knowing the task had to be done, at the expense of other activities). In speaking with a colleague about the situation (look, isn’t this great!? Extra money!), it became clear that this was, in fact, a distraction from working towards my vision.
When I explained to my co-worker (who had been so kind as to refer me to the company), she reiterated that it doesn’t take much time. The feeling I got from her (and she may have been disappointed in some way) was that I was overreacting, and making the part time work and the vision task (immigration paperwork) out to be more time-consuming than they actually were. It invalidated my decision to finish the application process, but not carry on further until the spring (if they were willing to hire me then). I felt badly – that I had let her down, or upset her reputation with the company, that I was overstating the work to be done, that I wasn’t organized enough to manage my time for both activities. I was discouraged.
Over the course of the day, that feeling evaporated a little bit. I realized that even though I technically did have the time, I needed that time for the other things that are also being moved around to make room for the big task at hand. I needed space for that too. I realized what might not be time-consuming for my co-worker could be for me, in a different way. I haven’t followed up with the company just yet, but I am feeling a little better about my decision to defer this part time work to the spring.
A:
Brilliant.
I like the idea of labeling the feeling that you felt – discouraged.
When put-downs like this happen to me (I call them put downs, it’s a family thing, and will make a ton of sense to me when I do a bigger share on this), I just have this general icky and angry feeling. I KNOW I carry that into the next interaction – whether with another person or a task. Of course the results suffer, and then I make the “put-down” true.
It’s a difficult cycle for me, esp when I am doing so much action towards my blog-communities. It’s peopley work, so lots of interactions, and most important with really sensitive and independent people. Those folks are naturally intolerant to working with someone who makes them feel icky. They don’t even think about it.
Big thanks for this – helps me to see the importance of taking that moment to pause and get clear on what exactly I am feeling, noting it is not about me necessarily (put-downs never are) and that it is in fact possible for me to be in control of my next interactions.
And you, you! Great decision.
I love also seeing clearly that the “obligation to your friend” could have had you doing something you didn’t want to do, and messing up your reputation in a real way. I definitely do that too.
