Thank You for Thinking of Me
Yesterday afternoon I received a text from a very good friend of mine. She asked me if I wanted to join her for an 11 days long trip to England starting this morning. Her husband couldn’t accompany her, so I could have his ticket. What a chance to fulfill my wish of traveling again, especially since it would be for almost no cost.
Nevertheless it was an astonishingly hard process to come to a decision. At the beginning it was mostly my nervousness about my ability to pull it off, to have enough energy for that, to manage everything including cancelling some appointments on this super short notice, doing the packing, etc. I felt so confused I made a pro and con list, which made it even more obvious to myself how ridiculous it was to feel so much like refusing. My thoughts and feelings were even frustrating me. I asked myself whether I was operating from fear and overwhelm, and in that moment it surely felt like that. It also became clear that I didn’t have enough information to make a decision that I felt good with, which of course gave even more room to fear and overwhelm. So I sat down to make a list of questions for my friend and asked her to call me. Since she had to finish some task it took a while for her to call me back.
It was interesting what unfolded in the meantime as I was waiting for that phone call. I started cleaning up and doing the things I had put on hold in order to make that decision. While moving around my apartment I became calmer and calmer and the answer clearer and clearer. “This trip is not for you. Let her travel on her own.” So utterly not what I had anticipated! Then my friend finally called and answered all my questions. The trip sounded so interesting and so fun! In addition I had had the idea to make a weekend trip with her to some nice spa hotel just last week. Now it would be 11 days, visiting places I’ve never been.
It was absolutely illogical to refuse considering the facts I knew and the wishes of my heart at that moment. But I couldn’t deny that I had received inspiration: “This trip is not for you. Let her travel on her own.” So I said “No.” Why that was the answer I still don’t know. Yet while I kept thinking of her flying to England today and that I could have joined her, the answer I received remained clear and I felt peace knowing it was for both her and my higher good. Even if I have no clue why.
