Check. Check. Reality Check!
Recently a friend of mine said I was ultra-feminine. And when I made her go into detail about that, she mentioned things like my keen intuition and my continual expansion. After this chat I realized that what I am currently missing are the masculine equivalents of focus and structure. So at the beginning of May I created an ongoing schedule of things I want to do daily or weekly. Basic things like having three meals a day (I tend to skip breakfast) as well as self care by stretching and taking walks and such and of course creating a daily To-Do list and working on it. It’s a bit of a mixture of a morning and night routine and daily To Dos.
On one hand it works. I am more consistent with many good habits I want to take root in my daily life and I am getting more things done. And honestly it’s always a thrill when I can check a box – I am just built this way. I tend to put things on my To-Do list after I did them just so I have the joy of ticking them off the list. It’s good to know that about myself, not only does it make me smile about my own quirks instead of shaking my head, but also just like with this schedule I can use it for my benefit.
Yet on the other hand there is something that has become more evident by working with this schedule: resistance. It was there before, but I can see it even more clearly now. It’s an energy that looks like stop and go and stop and go… The stops are things like checking Facebook, watching TV, searching Google and so on. It’s anything that stops me from pure action. And afterwards it’s really hard to get the momentum up for the re-start; in fact it’s quite tiring. This week was meant for me to break this behaviour. Meant to. Reality check: hardly happened so far. Rather this week the stop and go becomes even more intensified. Probably because I am seeing it so clearly, so clearly it’s becoming frustrating. Fortunately though I will be traveling for the rest of the week to spend time with friends. That allows less room for this pattern to go on, and I intent to use these days to click into continual momentum of this group I’ll spend so much time with.
I used to fret about these irritating habits when they got so massive in my life thinking it was a sign that I was loosing the game and that they would stay around forever, when in reality that exact reaction was what held them in place. But thankfully I have learned by now that when energies get that big and severe in my life, meaning they get super obvious and annoying to me, they have the highest potential to become obsolete. To know this helps me to relax and allow them to drop away. Of course that doesn’t mean I am expecting the negative habits to simply leave my life without my doing, but there is something about accepting my own quirky sides and annoying patterns that makes life so much more supportive of change and getting what I really want. I think it’s the act of judging that works like super glue keeping things the “negative” way they are with less potential to change for the better. So despite some annoyance about this stop and go habit I am happily waiting for it to change, while seeing that I am doing my best to follow my schedule and making progress because of it.